Negativity

[richardkelsey]

Recently -- several posters have referenced negativity on the site -- and more than one have quoted the infamous "people" who say they are upset with the site due to its negativity.

First -- the site is an open forum -- and that is by design. It does not require registration, nor does it exclude participation -- except when standards of conduct are repeatedly violated. The purpose for this is to allow maximum participation and to encourage feedback from people -- without those individuals necessarily having to identify themselves. This always has both an up-side and a down-side. At this time -- the site continues to err on the side of openness.

Second -- as I stated on another thread -- blogs such as these tend to attract people who are motivated. Unfortunately, many times people are motivated to express opinions that are complaints. That is the reality of the world -- and not just this site. People look for avenues to be heard when they are frustrated and want and need results. often those complaints are the same complaints and concerns others have as well. So -- as with just about any open blog site or forum -- you will get many complaints. We prefer that people complain constructively, and offer actions and alternatives -- but we live not in utopia.

Third -- I think it is plain false to characterize the site as a whole as one that is negative. The site is filled with informative threads. It has funny threads. it has historical threads. It has threads giving thanks, sharing good stories, and talking about positive community events. Those threads may not get the same attention as controversial threads -- but they exist and they are numerous. If one is upset about the threads -- post something good -- something positive. It is an open forum.

I like to say -- we get the government we earn or we deserve. The same is true of an open forum such as this site. It is yours. Make of it what your will. I have seen this sited be a great positive force int he battle for school funding. Now -- some people might see those complaints as negativity -- but most of the town sees that action as a positive rallying force for the Town's children. Negativity is in the eye of the beholder.

Personally -- my favorite threads on this site are the wonderful remembrances of Freehold citizens who have passed. Those legacies are wonderful to pass down -- and I hope people continue to post them -- and comment on them.

[admin]

richardkelsey said:

Recently -- several posters have referenced negativity on the site -- and more than one have quoted the infamous "people" who say they are upset with the site due to its negativity.

First -- the site is an open forum -- and that is by design. It does not require registration, nor does it exclude participation -- except when standards of conduct are repeatedly violated. The purpose for this is to allow maximum participation and to encourage feedback from people -- without those individuals necessarily having to identify themselves. This always has both an up-side and a down-side. At this time -- the site continues to err on the side of openness.

Second -- as I stated on another thread -- blogs such as these tend to attract people who are motivated. Unfortunately, many times people are motivated to express opinions that are complaints. That is the reality of the world -- and not just this site. People look for avenues to be heard when they are frustrated and want and need results. often those complaints are the same complaints and concerns others have as well. So -- as with just about any open blog site or forum -- you will get many complaints. We prefer that people complain constructively, and offer actions and alternatives -- but we live not in utopia.

Third -- I think it is plain false to characterize the site as a whole as one that is negative. The site is filled with informative threads. It has funny threads. it has historical threads. It has threads giving thanks, sharing good stories, and talking about positive community events. Those threads may not get the same attention as controversial threads -- but they exist and they are numerous. If one is upset about the threads -- post something good -- something positive. It is an open forum.

I like to say -- we get the government we earn or we deserve. The same is true of an open forum such as this site. It is yours. Make of it what your will. I have seen this sited be a great positive force int he battle for school funding. Now -- some people might see those complaints as negativity -- but most of the town sees that action as a positive rallying force for the Town's children. Negativity is in the eye of the beholder.

Personally -- my favorite threads on this site are the wonderful remembrances of Freehold citizens who have passed. Those legacies are wonderful to pass down -- and I hope people continue to post them -- and comment on them.

This topic of negativity is one that I have dealt with both on and off the site today. The above post by Rich sums it all up very well.

The open forum approach is one that I value highly. This forum is a non discriminatory site where all of our residents can participate and have their voices heard. I loath to silence anyone. There are few venues where the people can have this type of opportunity.

The feedback the participants provide does make it to many eyes who have interest. We have local politicians, a few from the state of NJ, a couple of viewers from Monmouth County, news papers, schools, and plenty of others checking in with great interest. This is why it is important for participants to carry themselves in a way that reflects our town the way we would want. Make no mistake, I do not advocate putting our heads in the sand or putting on the rose colored glasses.

For those who are concerned about negativity I say do not remain silent. Participate. This forum is for you.

The other thing people need to keep in mind is that many new participants find this site via of search engines. What do you want new visitors to see? A bunch of crazies or concerned citizens? This site is even found in wikipedia. In other words, it is a visible reflection of our town.

To the people who take issue about the complaints, I say to you, this is a microcosm of how people in town feel and what they are concerned about. No elected leader should under estimate what they see here. Just the opposite, we should all learn and appreciate what people have to say here. It is real. Not just a handful of anonymous posters. I find many, many people in town who share similar complaints and feelings on the various subject matter.

Rich rightfully pointed out that there is a great deal of good info here to. That should serve as a reminder as to all the good things that are here in this town. Any person who does not have hope or see the good things we have here needs to wake up and smell the roses. There is a lot of good here, even this the abundance of gripes and concerns.

I will now address some comments from another thread.

Calliope wrote


Through recent times, this board sounds more like an anti-borough municipal leadership bash board. I mean, if a bird defecates on your head, are you going to blame the mayor and the councilpeople?

I understand discontent and folks hold their own opinions. But doesn't anybody have anything positive to offer up here? Like Freehold Resident's post about the recording studio on Main Street?

A few folks lately told me they gave up on taking this site seriously recently because of the degradation of commentary. “Too angry.” “Too negative.”

Brian, who brought this site back with the outstanding intention of creating a forum of intelligent discourse, should be commended. And, I think it’s insulting to Brian when there’s continued junk posted on here. Again, I respect if people are frustrated over tough times, that’s normal. But there is a right way to express discontent rather than being aggressively inflammatory against an ethnic group, against a business partnership and against a current municipal body. Constructive criticism goes a much longer way than childish and churlish, outrageous mutterings.

In regards to the anti borough leadership, it does belong here. For elected leaders, it comes with the territory of their job. They have to be willing to accept dissent and criticizm. With that said, I would hope tht participants keep criticisms constructive and not malicious.

Calliope, you ask doesn't anyone have anything to offer? That is where the silent people need to come in. They have the power to change the tone and direction on an open forum like this. There is a lot of good on this site. All we need are a few to highlight it a bit more.

Thank you, for the compliments on bringing this forum back. This is a good time to express why I brought this site back. As with everything else that I do, be it on the Human Relations and hopefully on the new CIC, my goal is simply to get people interested adn together in bettering this town. This site had played a part in that. This site is a fast paced place where residents can really get involved and informed about our town. We even get news here before the papers and radio do.

Calliope, your above post is a good example of why you are a great voice on this site.



Zeus wrote

Calliope, you and I have had our share of disagreements in the past, but I think you are one of the sane posters on here. You kind of grow on people with your witty remarks, and I have never, that I recall, seen any posts that I would want removed form this site. However, as you point out lately we have seen a slew on the posts that leave something to be desired. With this said, and this is for Brian, I think that some of us would not post if registration was forced on this site.


Zeus, I will turn your post around on you. You come to this forum with unpopular view points. Yours is the minority here. I would not change that for anything. I want to see diverse opinions here. You know I have always encouraged you to participate and better yet, sign up as a resistered user.

You are one of the people I would be afraid of losing if registration was mandatory. If I ever do require resistration, and I am considering it, I hope you will stay with us.

Freehold resident wrote



I might. And...it may be the only hope to save this board. In hindsight, I have never regretted anything I've posted on this board (sorry Bergsteiger!). I am a young, gay man living in town; I despise President Bush and his cronies; I see great hope for our town; and I am not ashamed to tell anyone about Calliope's cucumbers.

The board just isn't too much fun anymore. In fact, it's become boring. It's us same 5 people, sometimes using other names, bashing everything positive that gets posted. If it's positive, no one comments. If it's negative, there are dozens of replys and hundreds of views.

It's too depressing here. If things don't change...well, I have better things to do with my time.

F R

You are another person with some differing views on issues. That adds flavor.

You just need to stop picking on Bergsteiger.

When will you sing up as a registered user?

[LS]

You know I don't like to say anything negative, but, no.

I think that it's not a griping negativity thing. People usually have 2 cents to put in about things that are "negative." There are questions that should be raised about the state of the town, etc. why did so-and-so happen, etc.

But when there is a post about someone turing 100, do you really want a whole bunch of meaningless messages that say, "Wow, that's great!!! <insert emoticon here>"? There is no substance to any of those replies. So, most people choose not to reply. You read it, you think that Mr. Freehold Resident just turned 100, and there is nothing more to add to the story.

Now if Mr. Freehold Resident was a 100 years old and decided to rob a store on Throckmorton, there would be commentary on why this may be happening.

So, as to negativity, wrong wrong wrong. No no no.

[admin]

LS said:

You know I don't like to say anything negative, but, no.

I think that it's not a griping negativity thing. People usually have 2 cents to put in about things that are "negative." There are questions that should be raised about the state of the town, etc. why did so-and-so happen, etc.

But when there is a post about someone turning 100, do you really want a whole bunch of meaningless messages that say, "Wow, that's great!!! <insert emoticon here>"? There is no substance to any of those replies. So, most people choose not to reply. You read it, you think that Mr. Freehold Resident just turned 100, and there is nothing more to add to the story.

Now if Mr. Freehold Resident was a 100 years old and decided to rob a store on Throckmorton, there would be commentary on why this may be happening.

So, as to negativity, wrong wrong wrong. No no no.

LS, you are not wrong in your assessment. I have said and will continue to support the notion that we should not wear rose colored glasses or stick our heads in the sand. With that said, at times getting too negative can go too far and it is important that we put ourselves in check. Take a step back, smell the roses, and then move on.


Have you ever been a part of, or faced a crowd where tension and negativity just continue to grow to the point of kaos and lunacy? Out of control mayhem with no purpose? I have been in both situations and it ain't pretty. The same thing can happen here, on line, although to a lesser extent. When the negativity gets to the point of being mean spirited or turns into a sport, then it is counter productive. That should never be a goal.

With that in mind, what will we complain about today? ;D

[Holly Golightly]

calliope said:

Yes, LS, when someone turns 100 in the Borough, it is worthwhile. When anyone anywhere has lived a century -- wow -- the things they can give us, teach us.

My own grandmother just turned 97 in January -- believe it or not, she is still fully mentally alive, and yes, even still beautiful. I have an image and if I knew how, I would post it. She met Amelia Earhart the night before her last flight, and her and my grandfather's family helped found and build Las Vegas in the 1950s (yes, with mob ties - but I won't go there, not allowed.)

The difference between "two cents" and rampant negative puke is that "two cents" carries with it a notion of constructiveness -- not destructiveness. I have read too much destructiveness lately, and I stand by my observation of such.

For the record, I prefer "two cents" over written verbal diarrhea. After all, one can actually pocket two cents, but for the latter, well, I'd prefer not to pay my dry cleaner extra.

"Wow, that's great!!! <insert emoticon here> "

[Dr Phyllis]

The thing is, life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot their negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.

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1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn $X).

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2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

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3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.


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4. I am a miserable failure — I can’t seem to do anything right.

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5. I’m going to beat so-and-so no matter what — I’m better than him. And there’s no way I’ll help him succeed — he might beat me.



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6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

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7. You can’t do anything right! Why can’t you be like Johnny?

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8. Your blog sucks. It’s super lame. You should stop writing, because you’re a moron and I hope you never reproduce.

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9. Oh yeah? Well up yours too!

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10. I don’t think I can do this — I don’t have enough discipline. Maybe some other time.

[Phyllis DeFonzo]

I wasn't sure if I should even do this, but a previous posting is so off base from anything I would ever write - please do not anyone think that "Dr. Phyllis" is me...I have always posted under my own name and will continue to do so.

I continue to read this site and hope everything turns out well for the Boro.

[admin]

Phyllis said:

I wasn't sure if I should even do this, but a previous posting is so off base from anything I would ever write - please do not anyone think that "Dr. Phyllis" is me...I have always posted under my own name and will continue to do so.

I continue to read this site and hope everything turns out well for the Boro.

I can back you up Phyllis, the first post was not from you.

[phyllisdefonzo]

Thank you, Brian - it's not that common a name, and it had just occurred to me to cover the bases.

Along those lines, I've gone ahead and registered under my first and last names, just to be on the safe side. So any posting other than that, or even close to that, would not be me.

Also, I can post from any computer, right? I saw something on here previously about IP addresses...but I do use multiple computers at multiple locations...username and password can be used from wherever, right?

Thanks for all the work you do.

Phyllis

[admin]

Phyllis,

It is good to see you have joined as a registered user. Even better, you have used your real name. I hope others will follow suit. Any post you place will have more credibility than what an unregistered user may have. It leaves little doubt that the post is from you.

Yes, you can post from any computer as long as you use your password and screen name. Some of the other registered users do use different computers. It would even be possible for Pete or any other member of your household to also register as a separate user.

Not to mention that you do not have to type in that dopey security code for every post now.

It is good to see you staying in touch with FB.


Brian

[phyllisdefonzo]

Thanks for your posting help, Brian. And re staying in touch - I'm in FB/NJ now on a business trip and have been through the Borough the past couple of days...it's interesting to see the changes...I'm saddened that Lorenzo's Restaurant is no longer. Let's hope things turn out for the best for FB.
Phyllis